Library Science
by RegenesisX
Summary: 25 things Cloud Strife probably shouldn't be doing in a library.


**Author's Note:** For those of you not familiar with my writing, Cloud Strife is a SOLDIER Third and is apprenticed to Genesis Rhapsodos. There's also a character named Jadak, who usually serves as my antagonist for Cloud.

I wanted to try making one of these list-things just for fun. I chose the library because I can't recall seeing an FFVII one that takes place there, and instead of having Zack Fair get into shenanigans, I'm using Cloud. Because I can.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own FFVII, FFXIII and I also didn't create this list. Found it on the interwebs.

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**Library Science**

_I happened to notice in the cutscene where Sephiroth is researching in the ShinRa basement, he's flipping through all of the books backwards. I know it's because the game is Japanese, but I still giggled nonetheless. _

**1. While pointing to a very simple word, like 'the', ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you.**

"Hey Genesis?"

"Hmm?"

"What's this word? I can't figure it out."

"... That's 'and', Cloud."

"Ohhhhh. Thanks."

"..."

"Hey Genesis?"

**2. Look at one page number, then a different one. They say in astonishment, "Wow! The page numbers are in order! Cool! They guy who came up with that musta been a genius!"**

Cloud immediately went to find Zack- who was sitting in on the children's story time- and the two of them marveled over the discovery.

**3. Read your book. Upside down.**

Angeal happened upon Genesis' apprentice reading in one of the library's cushioned chairs. He was about to join the boy when he noticed something rather odd. "Cloud, you do realize that's upside down, right?"

The blond's eyes widened and a smile spread across his face as he flipped his book back over. "Gee, thanks Angeal! You're a lifesaver!"

Angeal decided to read somewhere else.

**4. Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way.**

Sephiroth watched Cloud intently as the Third flipped through his book backwards. Eventually, Cloud noticed and looked at up the general. "Why are you reading it that way?" the silverette inquired.

"Huh?" For a moment, the blond was confused. "Oh- I hate surprise endings."

Furrowing his brow as Cloud went back to his reading, he determined he would have to try that sometime.

**5. Flip the page every two or so seconds.**

It was inevitable that one of the pages ripped while he was doing it. Horrified, Cloud quickly began to search for tape before any of the librarians noticed.

**6. Pick up your book, put it down, and say, "Wow. That was a good book."**

Genesis glared daggers at his apprentice. "Ha ha, very funny."

Chuckling weakly, Cloud picked up the book again and began to read in earnest. _Infinite in mystery..._

**7. Turn to the person and ask, "Have you ever experienced déjà vu and amnesia at the same time?"**

"No," said Genesis. "Would you like to experience it? Because believe me, I can make it happen."

**8. Start arguing with yourself, then when he/she looks at you funny, say, "Ohh, I'm sorry. I was just telling my subconscious to be quiet."**

Angeal blinked, deciding now would be as good a time as ever to go have a talk with Genesis.

**9. Ask them what their name is, and then when they start to reply, cut them off by saying, "No, it isn't!"**

"Wait- how do you know my real name?" Cissnei demanded. "That redheaded idiot with the goggles told you, didn't he? I _knew_ I couldn't trust him! Tonight, he dies."

**10. Every time the person next to you turns the page, make a strange sound, or a beep.**

Jadak's eye twitched and he gripped his book a little harder at the sound of a faint "Kupo!" from underneath the table. He'd promised his brothers he wouldn't go homicidal at the library, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to suppress the urge...

**11. Announce the page number each time you turn a page.**

He'd picked out a children's book, so it didn't take him very long to get through. Instead, he decided to hover over Genesis' shoulder and say the page numbers. That wasn't the best idea in the world.

**12. Spell every single word as you read it.**

"S-N-O-W D-O-V-E F-O-R T-H-E R-O-C-K-E-T L-A-U-N-C-H-E-R, B-U-T-"

"S-H-U-T T-H-E H-E-L-L U-P, Y-O-U I-D-I-O-T."

**13. Chew gum with your mouth open, and smack your lips while reading.**

The oldest, most frail-looking lady in the entire building shuffled over to him and skwaked at him to spit it out. And Cloud wasn't about to disobey someone even more creepy-looking than Hojo. He'd probably bring a curse down on his mother or something.

**14. Hold your book right next to your eyes.**

"Do you need to borrow Hojo's glasses, Spiky? Or did Genesis glue you to the pages again?"

**15. Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down.**

About the fifth time, Genesis lashed out and grabbed his pants. "Either stand up or sit down," he growled. "Or I'll let Assault Twister show you how dizzy I'm getting."

**16. Stand up, and continue reading.**

Well, Genesis _did _tell him to pick one. The redhead muttered something under his breath about turning him into a coat rack, but Cloud chose to believe Genesis wouldn't really do that to him. Well, he hoped.

**17. Bring a bag of cat food, and start snacking on it.**

It actually wasn't all that bad, considering the food they served in the Mess. However, Zack showed up a little while later and plopped a bag of chocobo greens down in front of him, then ran off laughing.

**18. Stare accusingly at the other person, and when they look at you, say, "Where were you on the night of February 32, 1989?"**

Genesis opened his mouth to retaliate when he suddenly paused, frowning. "You know what?" he said after a moment. "I can't remember."

**19. Fall out of your seat, then say, "I meant to do that." Then do it again. And again.**

Slamming his book down, Jadak kicked Cloud's chair away and glared down at the other Third. "Would you _knock it off?" _he hissed.

"I'm sorry!" Cloud whimpered, cowering on the floor. "Gravity and I are having a turbulent affair!"

Jadak wasn't sure what to say to that.

**20. Bring one of those fans with a squirt bottle attached, and make it look like you're attempting to squirt yourself, but hit them instead.**

Angeal sputtered in surprise, but didn't seem to realize Cloud had done it on purpose. Zack stole his fan and squirted him back. Jadak backhanded him with his hardcover novel. And Genesis remained reading in peace, because Cloud was starting to see the value of continuing to live.

**21. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, "IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG! IT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!"**

The librarian looked like she wanted to stab something. Much to Cloud's dismay, however, he also got some unwanted attention from Hojo and subsequently spent the next half-hour hiding out in the women's restroom.

Angeal gave him a very, _very_ strange look upon seeing him walk out of there.

**22. Bring a recording of a popular song. Play it on headphones quietly, but sing along very badly. Then proudly say to the person next to you, "I took singing lessons!"**

"Mm," Genesis nodded. "I can tell. Reno taught you, did he?"

**23. Turn to the person next to you, and ask them to pronounce their name backwards. When they ask you why, tell them that you are looking for hidden messages.**

Jadak rolled his eyes, but sounded it out anyway. "Ka... Jad... Kadak- no, Kadaj? Kadaj."

"Hm... Kadaj," Cloud echoed, deep in thought. "No, no hidden message there."

**24. Suddenly grasp your heart, let out a wail, and fall to the ground. Then get back up like nothing happened.**

Genesis, who had taken Cloud's performance quite seriously, thwaked his apprentice on the back of the head when he got up. "Don't _do_ that to me!" he snapped.

"Aww Gen, you really do care!"

"Shut up."

**25. Say "Oomph!" like you were just shot, and while smushing a ketchup packet on your chest, fall on the floor. Then get back up like nothing happened. After that, look at your stomach and say, "What? How'd this stain get here?" while motioning to the ketchup.**

Leaning his elbows on the table, Genesis threaded his hands through his hair and shook his head. "I don't know Cloud," he sighed. "I really don't know."

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**Author's Note:** I kind of had to take a break from _Making the Cut_, but I didn't want to just leave you guys with absolutely _nothing_. I also apologize if this feels lacking- my stomach isn't feeling so awesome right now and I haven't gotten much sleep because of it.

Lately I've been getting more into FFXIII and XIII-2 for whatever reason... It's not so much that I like the games themselves, but there's a certain character whose leg I clung to incessently the moment I saw him. Insta-favorite character righ there :P So I might be getting into THAT sometime soon... I'm also trying to put little updates about things on my profile, so be checking that out :D

Love you all!

_**R**egenesis**X**_


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